Monster I have become
by Athena354
Summary: Rose finds Dimitri, but he is Strigoi. When she finds out he has a new girlfriend she goes back to the Academy.
1. Chapter 1

**I hope this chapter is good in my readers eyes. Please remember to review!**

**P.S. Sorry it took so long to update, but I've been pretty busy lately **

Rose's POV

Exactly thirteen days have passed since I came home. Adrian has been by my side constantly, Lissa has been trying to get me talk to her about Dimitri. She somehow just didn't seem to be like she used to. I knew that the recent events have changed me and my relationships a lot, I just hoped that it wouldn't get worse.

I had an agreement with Kirova that I could graduate as long as I don't leave school premises without a signed permission form directly from her hands.

'This sucks!' Lissa cried. I looked up from my homework. We were sitting in my room doing homework with Christian and Eddie.

'What?' I asked.

'Tasha can't come to graduation, neither can half the people I invited. This totally sucks.' Lissa said. I hadn't noticed that she was busy checking her mail instead of doing her homework. She was making plans about graduation.

'It's not like they need to be here, I mean, it's _just _graduation, Lissa.' I said. I was grumpy today, I could admit that much, but I didn't really know why. Okay, maybe it had something to do with the fact that my mom left without a goodbye, someone kept calling me and just hung up every time I answered. Adrian was talking a load of shit, probably because he decided to cut down on the drinking, and I had a stack and a half of work to catch up on, and I wasn't even gone for a month. Sixteen days and my classes have all decided to hand out as much work as possible.

'Rose, this means a lot to me, you should know that!' Lissa sounded angry. My mood was dark even without her help, and I didn't need her anger on my shoulders too.

'Just calm down, and this time, do it yourself.' I said. She looked confused. I had reconsidered what Adrian said before I left. I was taking in all Lissa's anger and depression.

'What do you mean, Rose?' she asked, suddenly calm. I sighed.

'All your dark feelings come into me. Which is pretty unfair, since I've never really done much to deserve it.' I said. I sounded pretty bitchy to myself.

'Look, I can't help that the cost of me not killing myself mean so little to you, Rose!' Lissa nearly yelled.

'It would mean more to me if I didn't have to be the one dealing with it! I already have a lot of shit going on in my life, I don't need your depression added to that!' I yelled. What was I saying? Sure, it was true, but I never meant to sound so mean.

'I thought that you might repay me for _saving your life_, Rose, but I guess you're too selfish to handle a little bit of stress. Why don't you just go and become a blood whore, or, better yet, go fuck your Strigoi lover!' Lissa shouted and stormed out of my room.

'Did you really have to bring that on, Rose?' Christian demanded. Eddie just carried on with his homework. Christian gathered up his books and ran after Lissa. I didn't feel so bad about what just happened. I was just pissed that Lissa couldn't see what was going on with me.

I carried on with my homework. I didn't understand, I mean, I normally would have run after her and apologized, but I felt so……mean.

'She doesn't deserve any of that Rose. She's also been through a pretty rough patch.' Eddie said. I didn't believe him. I left and then I came back, how much of a rough patch could she go through in three days?

'I don't believe you. I left and now I'm back, Eddie, what could she have gone through?' I demanded.

'I don't even recognize you anymore, Rose, and by the way, I think Mason would have been really disappointed in you.

Even the mention of Mason had me feeling guilty. I felt Lissa's tears through the bond. I got up and started walking out.

'I'm sorry.' I said. Lissa was in the chapel with Christian. They were talking, Lissa was in his arms. I knew how she felt when that happened. I stepped through the door and knocked. They both looked up. Christian got up and walked away. Lissa wanted to call him back, I could see it in her eyes.

'Mind if I sit?' I asked softly. She nodded and scooted up for me.

'I'm sorry. Really. The anger and realization just got to me about Dimitri and, I don't know, I just never really thought it would breakthrough like this.' I said.

'It can't be easy, I mean, Dimitri, my black moods going to you, Mason. Everything that's happened in this past year. I know that you want to be with the Dimitri, I know that you wish none of this even happened. I know you Rose. You're my best friend and practically my sister, I love you, and I'm sorry about what I said.' Lissa said.

'Thank you, for saving me that day. I would never have met Dimitri if you hadn't.' I said.

'You would never have had to deal with all this if I hadn't.' she said. I realized she was right. Would dying and never having to meet Dimitri, fall in love with him, and then losing him been better? I didn't really know. You don't exactly lose anything if you don't have anything.

'What's done is done; I should've realized that sooner. Even though I want to see him, I know that it will hurt the both of us, at least it would hurt him if he had a heart.' I said. She was silent for a while.

'Who knows. I thought you were going to kill him.' she said.

'Hard to kill someone when you're in Starbucks.' I said.

'We should get going.' she said. We got up and walked back to my room slowly. It was nearly dinner.

'Did you miss the Academy?' she asked.

'Yeah. I guess I'll have to get used to not being here though. I graduate in soon.' I said. Life was gonna suck away from this place. I've called it home for so long.

'You could always become a teacher here. It's quite possible.' she said.

'I can't teach. It's frustrating, and I'm the type of person who likes to be in the center of attention, you know that.' I said.

'Adrian was hurt when you left.' she said.

'I know.' I said.

'You know he loves you, right?' she asked. I knew he liked me, but he didn't love me, it wasn't possible.

'He doesn't love me.' I said. She shook her head.

'Of course he does. A: it's obvious, and B: you can see it in his eyes, but he'll never let you see that because he doesn't want to make you feel guilty.' she explained to me. I turned my gaze toward a shadow that I saw behind a tree. It looked familiar.

'I'm gonna walk back by myself.' I said and walked in the direction of the shadow.

I walked around the tree and found Dimitri standing there watching Lissa.

'What are you doing here?' I asked. He turned to face me.

'I missed you.' For a second I saw a flicker of the old Dimitri, but then the monster took over and the only trace of him disappeared. I looked around and crossed my arms across my chest.

'I don't want you here, leave.' I said firmly. I avoided his gaze, knowing that I wouldn't be able to carry on if I was staring him straight in the eyes.

'Rose, please, I just want to talk,' he pleaded. I stared at him.

'I said leave.' I said.

'Rose, I know you don't really want me to go.' he said, still pleading.

'_Go_!' I yelled. He flinched and turned around.

'You know, Adrian might not be around for much longer.' he said. I stood up straighter when he said that, knowing exactly what he meant. I shook my head, refusing to fall for it.

'You wouldn't, not if you still love me.' I said. He smiled and disappeared. I ran toward Adrian's room. He was there, but something was in the shadows. I knew that something was Dimitri, but I wasn't going to rain on his parade, not yet.

I moved over to Adrian and kissed him. He was surprised, that was obvious, but he relaxed after a while.

'Rose, why are you doing this?' he whispered when I pulled away. I was shocked, I thought he was waiting for that moment for ages, but he probably knew there was something behind the action.

He didn't want to be the rebound, who did?

'Do I need a reason?' I asked. It was a pathetic lie, I knew that. I couldn't lie with Dimitri around me.

'Rose, I don't want to be your rebound, so while once you're over Dimitri, then maybe we can talk again, but like I said, I don't wanna be your rebound.' he said. I noticed that he didn't smell like cigarettes or alcohol, for once.

'Why are you sober?' I asked, knowing that if he was sober that he could sense Dimitri. He turned around and picked up a bottle of vodka.

'Want me to be drunk?' he asked and took another sip. I pulled the bottle out of his hand and closed it after I found the lid.

'I like you sober.' I said, meaning it. Even though he could sense that I was lying to him just now, he was much better sober.

'Yeah, well, I don't. Give me my bottle back.' he said. I pulled it out of his reach. I didn't want him to get drunk all over again. I was so used to it that he seemed like a completely different person now.

'Rose, give me the bottle, please.' he pleaded, reminding me that Dimitri was in the room. I walked out of the room with the bottle.

'That's my last bottle, Rose.' he said. I opened it and poured it on the grass. Once all the vodka was out I threw the bottle toward a tree where I heard it shatter into tiny little pieces.

'Rose!' he yelled. I looked at him, realizing what I had just done. With no vodka he was going to remain sober and then he would start self-harming, just like Lissa had.

'I'm sorry.' I said. He shook his head and turned around. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

'I'm really sorry, okay?' I said. He looked at me for several seconds before he nodded and pulled away from me.

'Whatever. I have to get more vodka. Bye.' he said. I stood there until Dimitri appeared.

'Look's like Lover Boy is pissed. Wow, Rose, two people in one day, you must be in one mighty bad mood.' Dimitri said. I lost it.

'Shut the fuck up, Dimitri.' I said angrily. He laughed at me. I growled and launched forward toward him, but I fell flat on my face. He was behind me when I got up. I tried to get a grip on his arm, but he was running from me.

Damn it!

I realized now that Dimitri was already dead, so all I would be doing was killing a soulless body.

I grinned and ran after him. When he stopped I grabbed a branch off a tree, knowing that it wouldn't really kill him, but it would hurt him enough. I kept launching forward until I finally spotted the pattern.

He was moving to the left in a circle, so if I moved right in a circle without him noticing I might be able to hit him. Following him would be completely useless, he was faster than me even when he was a dhampir.

When I managed to get the branch in his stomach, I pushed him down and sat on him. He grinned at me.

'Well, that was fun, now get off of me.' he said. I grinned broadly at him and bent down. I kissed him and stood up, taking out the stake I had with me and getting ready to kill him, but he escaped before I could.

I cursed and put the stake away.

At least I knew that I could kill him………….


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope this chapter is good in my readers eyes. Please remember to review!**

**P.S. Sorry it took so long to update, but I've been pretty busy lately **

Rose's POV

Exactly thirteen days have passed since I came home. Adrian has been by my side constantly, Lissa has been trying to get me talk to her about Dimitri. She somehow just didn't seem to be like she used to. I knew that the recent events have changed me and my relationships a lot, I just hoped that it wouldn't get worse.

I had an agreement with Kirova that I could graduate as long as I don't leave school premises without a signed permission form directly from her hands.

'This sucks!' Lissa cried. I looked up from my homework. We were sitting in my room doing homework with Christian and Eddie.

'What?' I asked.

'Tasha can't come to graduation, neither can half the people I invited. This totally sucks.' Lissa said. I hadn't noticed that she was busy checking her mail instead of doing her homework. She was making plans about graduation.

'It's not like they need to be here, I mean, it's _just _graduation, Lissa.' I said. I was grumpy today, I could admit that much, but I didn't really know why. Okay, maybe it had something to do with the fact that my mom left without a goodbye, someone kept calling me and just hung up every time I answered. Adrian was talking a load of shit, probably because he decided to cut down on the drinking, and I had a stack and a half of work to catch up on, and I wasn't even gone for a month. Sixteen days and my classes have all decided to hand out as much work as possible.

'Rose, this means a lot to me, you should know that!' Lissa sounded angry. My mood was dark even without her help, and I didn't need her anger on my shoulders too.

'Just calm down, and this time, do it yourself.' I said. She looked confused. I had reconsidered what Adrian said before I left. I was taking in all Lissa's anger and depression.

'What do you mean, Rose?' she asked, suddenly calm. I sighed.

'All your dark feelings come into me. Which is pretty unfair, since I've never really done much to deserve it.' I said. I sounded pretty bitchy to myself.

'Look, I can't help that the cost of me not killing myself mean so little to you, Rose!' Lissa nearly yelled.

'It would mean more to me if I didn't have to be the one dealing with it! I already have a lot of shit going on in my life, I don't need your depression added to that!' I yelled. What was I saying? Sure, it was true, but I never meant to sound so mean.

'I thought that you might repay me for _saving your life_, Rose, but I guess you're too selfish to handle a little bit of stress. Why don't you just go and become a blood whore, or, better yet, go fuck your Strigoi lover!' Lissa shouted and stormed out of my room.

'Did you really have to bring that on, Rose?' Christian demanded. Eddie just carried on with his homework. Christian gathered up his books and ran after Lissa. I didn't feel so bad about what just happened. I was just pissed that Lissa couldn't see what was going on with me.

I carried on with my homework. I didn't understand, I mean, I normally would have run after her and apologized, but I felt so……mean.

'She doesn't deserve any of that Rose. She's also been through a pretty rough patch.' Eddie said. I didn't believe him. I left and then I came back, how much of a rough patch could she go through in three days?

'I don't believe you. I left and now I'm back, Eddie, what could she have gone through?' I demanded.

'I don't even recognize you anymore, Rose, and by the way, I think Mason would have been really disappointed in you.

Even the mention of Mason had me feeling guilty. I felt Lissa's tears through the bond. I got up and started walking out.

'I'm sorry.' I said. Lissa was in the chapel with Christian. They were talking, Lissa was in his arms. I knew how she felt when that happened. I stepped through the door and knocked. They both looked up. Christian got up and walked away. Lissa wanted to call him back, I could see it in her eyes.

'Mind if I sit?' I asked softly. She nodded and scooted up for me.

'I'm sorry. Really. The anger and realization just got to me about Dimitri and, I don't know, I just never really thought it would breakthrough like this.' I said.

'It can't be easy, I mean, Dimitri, my black moods going to you, Mason. Everything that's happened in this past year. I know that you want to be with the Dimitri, I know that you wish none of this even happened. I know you Rose. You're my best friend and practically my sister, I love you, and I'm sorry about what I said.' Lissa said.

'Thank you, for saving me that day. I would never have met Dimitri if you hadn't.' I said.

'You would never have had to deal with all this if I hadn't.' she said. I realized she was right. Would dying and never having to meet Dimitri, fall in love with him, and then losing him been better? I didn't really know. You don't exactly lose anything if you don't have anything.

'What's done is done; I should've realized that sooner. Even though I want to see him, I know that it will hurt the both of us, at least it would hurt him if he had a heart.' I said. She was silent for a while.

'Who knows. I thought you were going to kill him.' she said.

'Hard to kill someone when you're in Starbucks.' I said.

'We should get going.' she said. We got up and walked back to my room slowly. It was nearly dinner.

'Did you miss the Academy?' she asked.

'Yeah. I guess I'll have to get used to not being here though. I graduate in soon.' I said. Life was gonna suck away from this place. I've called it home for so long.

'You could always become a teacher here. It's quite possible.' she said.

'I can't teach. It's frustrating, and I'm the type of person who likes to be in the center of attention, you know that.' I said.

'Adrian was hurt when you left.' she said.

'I know.' I said.

'You know he loves you, right?' she asked. I knew he liked me, but he didn't love me, it wasn't possible.

'He doesn't love me.' I said. She shook her head.

'Of course he does. A: it's obvious, and B: you can see it in his eyes, but he'll never let you see that because he doesn't want to make you feel guilty.' she explained to me. I turned my gaze toward a shadow that I saw behind a tree. It looked familiar.

'I'm gonna walk back by myself.' I said and walked in the direction of the shadow.

I walked around the tree and found Dimitri standing there watching Lissa.

'What are you doing here?' I asked. He turned to face me.

'I missed you.' For a second I saw a flicker of the old Dimitri, but then the monster took over and the only trace of him disappeared. I looked around and crossed my arms across my chest.

'I don't want you here, leave.' I said firmly. I avoided his gaze, knowing that I wouldn't be able to carry on if I was staring him straight in the eyes.

'Rose, please, I just want to talk,' he pleaded. I stared at him.

'I said leave.' I said.

'Rose, I know you don't really want me to go.' he said, still pleading.

'_Go_!' I yelled. He flinched and turned around.

'You know, Adrian might not be around for much longer.' he said. I stood up straighter when he said that, knowing exactly what he meant. I shook my head, refusing to fall for it.

'You wouldn't, not if you still love me.' I said. He smiled and disappeared. I ran toward Adrian's room. He was there, but something was in the shadows. I knew that something was Dimitri, but I wasn't going to rain on his parade, not yet.

I moved over to Adrian and kissed him. He was surprised, that was obvious, but he relaxed after a while.

'Rose, why are you doing this?' he whispered when I pulled away. I was shocked, I thought he was waiting for that moment for ages, but he probably knew there was something behind the action.

He didn't want to be the rebound, who did?

'Do I need a reason?' I asked. It was a pathetic lie, I knew that. I couldn't lie with Dimitri around me.

'Rose, I don't want to be your rebound, so while once you're over Dimitri, then maybe we can talk again, but like I said, I don't wanna be your rebound.' he said. I noticed that he didn't smell like cigarettes or alcohol, for once.

'Why are you sober?' I asked, knowing that if he was sober that he could sense Dimitri. He turned around and picked up a bottle of vodka.

'Want me to be drunk?' he asked and took another sip. I pulled the bottle out of his hand and closed it after I found the lid.

'I like you sober.' I said, meaning it. Even though he could sense that I was lying to him just now, he was much better sober.

'Yeah, well, I don't. Give me my bottle back.' he said. I pulled it out of his reach. I didn't want him to get drunk all over again. I was so used to it that he seemed like a completely different person now.

'Rose, give me the bottle, please.' he pleaded, reminding me that Dimitri was in the room. I walked out of the room with the bottle.

'That's my last bottle, Rose.' he said. I opened it and poured it on the grass. Once all the vodka was out I threw the bottle toward a tree where I heard it shatter into tiny little pieces.

'Rose!' he yelled. I looked at him, realizing what I had just done. With no vodka he was going to remain sober and then he would start self-harming, just like Lissa had.

'I'm sorry.' I said. He shook his head and turned around. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

'I'm really sorry, okay?' I said. He looked at me for several seconds before he nodded and pulled away from me.

'Whatever. I have to get more vodka. Bye.' he said. I stood there until Dimitri appeared.

'Look's like Lover Boy is pissed. Wow, Rose, two people in one day, you must be in one mighty bad mood.' Dimitri said. I lost it.

'Shut the fuck up, Dimitri.' I said angrily. He laughed at me. I growled and launched forward toward him, but I fell flat on my face. He was behind me when I got up. I tried to get a grip on his arm, but he was running from me.

Damn it!

I realized now that Dimitri was already dead, so all I would be doing was killing a soulless body.

I grinned and ran after him. When he stopped I grabbed a branch off a tree, knowing that it wouldn't really kill him, but it would hurt him enough. I kept launching forward until I finally spotted the pattern.

He was moving to the left in a circle, so if I moved right in a circle without him noticing I might be able to hit him. Following him would be completely useless, he was faster than me even when he was a dhampir.

When I managed to get the branch in his stomach, I pushed him down and sat on him. He grinned at me.

'Well, that was fun, now get off of me.' he said. I grinned broadly at him and bent down. I kissed him and stood up, taking out the stake I had with me and getting ready to kill him, but he escaped before I could.

I cursed and put the stake away.

At least I knew that I could kill him………….


End file.
